You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
