Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
