matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
