I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Randomize
