She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
