i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
