I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
