I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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