did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize