Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
