I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
