she was so not down for the gang bang
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
