this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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