just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
