Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
