I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You left your phone here
Wait...
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