She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
