I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
