Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
