I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
