just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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