Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
