Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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