90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
How does it feel to date your dad?
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