my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize