I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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