I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
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