yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
