Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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