If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
