so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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