I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
