He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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