Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I supernannyed him into submission
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
