i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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