Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
