Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
