just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
