Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
