final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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