yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
