ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He? As in you personified your dick?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
