btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
did i just pee glitter
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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