fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
