Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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