You just made me feel so damn special
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
