I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
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You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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