my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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