whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
