I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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