there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
