Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
my poor anus
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
