I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
