Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
