We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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