Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
