There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
