If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The struggles of a small town man whore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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