sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
