I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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