If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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