shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
