so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
