Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
