I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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