We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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