Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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