there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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