as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
