The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
