Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
