Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
