life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
