I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
